Cellular Hellular

A few nights ago, while my four friends and I were locked out of our apartment, I had them go through their cell phone address books and look for peculiar and unfamiliar numbers.  I started this tradition in my own life about 3 years ago.  Scrolling through my phone, looking for a friend’s number, I stumbled upon an entry that resembled the words “Tom creepy” and “Eric frat” more than twice.  Unfortunately, I have not only NOT learned from my mistakes, but have continued to compile a list of weird address book entries.  Looking over these is both eye-opening and hilarious experience.  I have created a list of especially wonderful entries from the address books of my outgoing and social friends:

  1. Kevin party
  2. Jeff Sexy
  3. Ginger
  4. Retard Joe
  5. Dayna Hawc
  6. terrell
  7. Terrell (two different guys, both from my phone… cool)
  8. Annoying girl <– haha
  9. Yo natalieeeeeee girl

and my absolute favorite…. “do not answer”.  That one is the cherry on top because not only is it a kind of nick-name, it is also a blatant warning.  Whatever you do, do not answer that call, or you-know-who will bug the living crap out of you.  Normally, you will find old friends and coworkers that may not be relevant to your life anymore, but these special treasures serve as little reminders about how much of a mess your life is.  Very few times will you remember actually entering this random, annoying, or “hot” person’s number into your phone because frankly, you were too effed up to care.  You probably were so anxious to get out of the situation that you would do anything to break free, including an exchange of digits.

The worst part is: did I ever think that I was going to recognize these names in my phone? Would I see the words “Kevin Party” eight months later and be like “Oh ya! That ONE party that one night was soooo much fun! And I’m so glad I met Kevin!”….. NO! I will never remember this person by this completely vague description.  I look at the name and think of all the possible parties/semesters/years at Penn State that could qualify.  But, not to worry.  You will never see this person again, right? It is really not a problem if you just ignore it….

unlesss 1 of 2 things happens. He calls/texts you, or you run into him somewhere.  Woops, I have no idea who you are, despite the fact that you’re in my phone.  Sorry Charlie! (or whatever your name is..) Another no-no, is attempting to keep these people in your phone in case you want the “option” one day.  A friend of mine (I will not name names) was slightly intoxicated and going through her phone.  Just looking for a friendly make out, she texts this one good looking fellow from her past whom she remembers fondly.  An hour later, she receives this…

“This is Eric’s wife.  We would both appreciate it if you would not invite him to make out with you.”

boom.  There it is. You can’t deny it. Just embrace your embarrassment, send it in to Texts From Last Night, and immediately delete that number.

So my advice to all you cell phone savants out there. I know it’s great to meet new people, but if nothing rings a bell while reading his/her name, or you have not conversed with this person for over 2 years… stay far far away. Don’t be afraid of the delete button. I promise you won’t regret it.



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3 responses to “Cellular Hellular

  1. Sydney

    Bests from my phone:
    Unicorn Alex
    Bill Creepy Shades of KROQ
    Hayden Cute Aussie

    Turns out most of my explanations have LOTS of useful key terms in them for memories sake (I didn’t list them all…. haha)

  2. porreca

    ginger, haha

    “wanna bang”

  3. saz

    new post wacko jacko!

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